i may or may not be watching the land before time
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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