There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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