We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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