I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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