i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
