I accidentally had phone sex last night
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
