Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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