I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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