this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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