I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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