Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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