Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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