Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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