You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
