Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
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YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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