Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
