i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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