its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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