Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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