i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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