dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize