God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
