Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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