please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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