It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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