allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
