I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We left the knife in your bed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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