he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
