Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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