Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
