Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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