He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
