I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
