k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
