his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
