She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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