I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
