Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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