The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
