Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
