Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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