So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
