He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
