I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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