I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
