News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
my liver is dry heaving
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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