it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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