I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
