Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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