Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
