somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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