dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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