this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My pussy is not your playground.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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