It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
