woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
