haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
