she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
