You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
