dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
