I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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