Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize