i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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