Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
