so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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