why didn't you poke me back
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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