I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
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ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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