I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
