so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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