I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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