Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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