Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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