FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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