How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
