apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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