im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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