; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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