Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me đ
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have âdaddy issuesâ. Fuck all of you.
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